god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
