I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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