I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
