I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
