They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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