But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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