I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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