New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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