you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
