i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
