Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
