Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
