my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
