how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
