So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
