Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize