Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
