turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
