I can tuck mytits in my pants
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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