you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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