So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
