You can't motorboat a personality
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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