Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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