my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
