there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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