so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
