You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
