Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
