You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
