He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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