god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize