Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
