It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
