do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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