I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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