Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
