My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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