Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
