Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
