Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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