If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Randomize
