How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
