He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
