I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize