the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
