Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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