You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
