Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
