you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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