Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
