I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
