I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
