Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
