I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
