My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
