At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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