Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
