my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize