Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So. Much. Porn.
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