New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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