My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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