You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
