she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
