okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
