when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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