so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
