Pappa wants mamma naked
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
