if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
